I want to be this happy!

Hello my little friends. Just logged on to see if anyone had missed me...

I am coughing my head off in Sharm El Sheik. I have been sleeping most of the time. Not sure weither it is my meds that make me tired or the sun. So 6 days have past. is that true?! Wow, I must have really sleept a lot... So I think what I have is a mixture between some kind of really mean cold and a exsmokers cough (It's suposed to come arround two weeks after quitting). So I have been feeling pretty dull actually. Hope to get well soon so I can enjoy some of the sun. Hop all is well. xxx/G

Merry X-mas

Sorry for no blogging. I have been sleeping away my fever. Soaking my bed with sweat.
Lovely huh?

Tomorrow I'll be leaving for Sharm El Shejk, hopefully I won't be lying around the room with a fever for two weeks or be eaten by sharks. No blogging for a while. I feel like a sweaty pig. That's the time when you look at pictures of yourself and think "If I only could look that good, living the high life.." I Really need to pack my bag... But I haven't got out of bed for two days.

Wish me good luck. And a merry Christmas to ya'll!

It sucks being broke. It's a Saturday. See you on New Years!

Bye!

Yeyeyeyeyey! I got in! Sociology in spring then... :)

Day 9: My beliefs

My parents have always been very spiritual. I was brought up in a semi Hindu, Buddhist, Christian way... My parents are hippies ok. So we had it all. The tarot cards the I Ching and little statues of Shiva, Ganesh and Buddha. But both my mum and dad were raised in very Christian homes, and that also affected me. My mum went to a Catholic school until she was 8. Not that her family were Catholics, but they lived in Cairo and that was the only English speaking school they had. My dad on the other hand comes from a family of priests. We still always say grace before eating at my grandmas house. And I learned early to always say be prayers before going to sleep. I even helped give communion in the baptist church where my grandparents used to go at Sabbath. When I was younger I wanted to be a nun. It makes me crack up today. I am extremely non religious. I've been through all that, and had my little occult time too. I don't know if I would call myself an atheist though... Maybe more an agnostic I guess. I think I believe in something. But I think religion is created by man rather than the other way around. I think believing is a need most humans crave for. Weather they believe in world economics, God, cats or something else. I don't know if I actually believe there is something to believe in or if I believe that beliefs are purely man creation. I think If I would have to chose one religion to abide to, it would be Buddhism. I don't agree with everything, but it is the religion I feel is closest to my beliefs to be honest.

Day 8: A moment

A moment. I know exactly what to do. I have all the determination and strength to achieve my goal. Then something happens and I fall. The spark is gone. It's like trying to catch smoke. And my day is gone.

I try my hardest. I will try even harder. All my plans. Next year I start on a clean page.

Its You

PJ Harvey. She has followed me through my youth. Mostly with "To bring you my love". Today I give you this song from the album. "Uh-hu-her", because it explains the latest two days.

Kitty cat come on!

Oh and yeah todays mission is this:

My cat is stuck in the bathroom. I have filled his kitty litter box with popcorn. I want him to go to the toilet so I can take an urine test on him. Problem is he is just sitting behind the door and miaoing. I am listening to Belle and Sebastian's new record "Write about love" on high volume so I can't hear my cat complaining. I just want to take a hot bath. I had so much stuff to do today. But kitty comes first. Come on now kit cat....

Day 7: Friends

I have a lot of wonderful friends. But I am not very good at cherishing them...
I am really bad at calling people, and then I expect them to call me. Silly really.

I try to me open with people, but still I think I have a hard time letting people in close.

I have a couple of people I would really like to meet more often.

One person in particular is very important to me right now. He is an old friend of mine that I have gotten in contact with again. Usually when so much time has past it can be hard to pick up where you left it. We have both changed enormously since we lost contact. But in some strange way we have changed the same way. and grown closer. Or at least that is what I feel. He is someone that I really want to hang out with more often because being with him gives me so much in return. We have so much to talk about. It never ends. Lots of love to you Isak.

I have another old friend. We used to play when we were kids. I was really in love with him at the time. Well you know, like kids are in love. We met on a plane from London a couple of years ago and started writing to each other. We lost contact for a while but have just recently started writing again. I love having pen pals. I haven't had many in my life. But I have really missed it. And he is wonderful to write with. I really enjoy it. So a shout out to Adam as well.

Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying

This is how I feel. Like banging my head into a wall.

Goodnight

Day 6: My day

Today has been one of those slow days. I've been in town to get a jab against Hepatitis A. It didn't hurt that bad actually. Since then I have been home really. My dad dropped by and I helped him get Spotify. That's about it really.

Mostly I am looking forward to leaving this country. Hope I don't get eaten by sharks though...

I'll give you some pictures from yesterday (which was a much more spectacular day actually...)
I told you I had my graduation didn't I? Well I had a little party for my family last night. So here are some pics. I even got my grandmas old (well not that old, she graduated when she was 70) graduation hat!

Day 5: Dreams

Ok, if anyone is wondering what all this is about:
http://twentytwototwo.blogspot.com/2010/11/gone-fishing.html

This week I read a couple of short stories about nightmares. I thought I would right one myself but I haven't really got that far yet. I rarely dream nightmares. But when I do it is mostly when Niclas and I have had a fight and I dream he leaves me. I also do have a fever dream that repeats itself over and over when ever I have a fever. I never remember it's contents though except that it is about time.

Last night I had the weirdest dream. (I always remember a lot of details)

I was in a war against some orchs, and Bellatrix Lestrange (from Harry Potter) was in it and skipping around singing like mad like she does.
(...)
I was in the village where my grandparents used to live, out in the English countryside, only it was called "Camelot". I was doing cross country with my friends Olle and Boel so we left the village of Camelot and arrived in the next village called "Camelot Castle" where we checked in at the local in called "The Prancing Pony". There we met Bellatrix again. I turned into a guy (a knight in shining armour actually) and managed to flirt with Mrs Bellatrix and talk her in to introducing me to her husband who was a bad guy locked in a tower.

Also I met my friends Hanna & Anders who were really sad because their son Hugo had in some way been kidnapped by Borka (you know the bandit from Ronja Rövardotter by Astrid Lindgren)

Cant remember much more. But you get the picture. I have pretty interesting dreams...

Day 4: About love

My bad. I haven't been writing for two days. I tried, but I couldn't figure what to write.

So love. This is really tricky. There are so many different ways of loving. In some ways I wish I could do everything over. When you start loving, it is the centre of the world. The most wonderful and most destroying power of all. It still is in some ways, and will always be. But it is...different.
Maybe we take one another too much for granted. But the years pass and one grows accustomed to each other. It is still love, but one smile doesn't send butterflies through your chest. (It still happens, but not all the time) It is a deeper kind of love. You trust completely, and there for it can be much more devastating. You build your whole world around someone else. They are part of every breath, even if you do not always think of them.

I do not believe in a lifetime long lasting love. I can not promise a thing. But I can promise what I feel today. And that I want us to be together always.

Today...

My day has been great. For no particular reason. I am really tired now though. On my way out to grab a pint with a couple of friends...

Day 3: My parents

This is a hard one...

My parents fill two functions. Firstly they are my friends and secondly my parents.
Sometimes I wish it was the other way around though...

I long for the day us sisters are all grown up and have moved out (I have two younger sisters that still live at home) so that my parents can have more time for themselves. I know they both like to travel. I think it is time for them to focus on themselves, they forget to do that.

My mum is originally a musician and an artist. She used to write her own songs and play at piano bars to earn a living. She used to sew these amazing tapestries.

My father has always loved music too. He used to play in a punk band in London in his youth. Just when they were getting their breakthrough they split up. The hazardous youth... My dad has also always been brilliant at painting. But like be he can break into real bad tempers and do stupid things. So one day he threw away his paints and paintbrushes, and has never painted since. I gave him paints and brushes for his birthday. I just wish he would use them. For my birthday I would love a painting. He is really amazing. I'm going to get him to start painting again if it is the last thing I'll ever do.

Tori Amos, Bjork, Pj Harvey, Massive Attack Mix (Wax Audio)

Oh My god! This is like the ultimate mix ever. Wow Wow wow! This jut gives me goose bumps. I want this mix. I love this mix!

3 years

Niclas and I have been clearing up the apartment now for two days. We thought as we are leaving soon and won't be back home again until the 28th we should clear up for the new year. Yesterday we worked from 12 am to 12 pm with hardly any breaks except for eating. I was really hitler when I got going. Shouting out orders. Haha... well at least we got a lot done. Today I haven't been quite as up for it...

Now I just want to get this done. But people keep calling Niclas on the phone ALL THE TIME. I'm getting tired of this now. Just had an early dinner/late lunch and am dying on the sohats one thing about me that is really irritating. Feed me, and I will fall fast asleep. If I don't get loads and loads of coffee that is.

Oh, and yesterday was the official 3 years day...
Three years ago I woke up in Niclas apartment after a late night party. So tonight we are going out for a drink to celebrate. If we eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrr get finished with clearing up the apartment that is. And if I don't fall asleep first...

(The first two pictures ever of me and Niclas. I think we had been going out for about a month.)

Love part two.

I have lost a lot of readers during my absence. Can't win them all I guess. I have about 7 returning visitors. You 7 make me happy. I don't know all of you in real life. But it makes me very happy to know that you are in some way interested in my life and like what I write.

I don't really care that much about statistics, though I can't help taking a peak once in a while to see how many followers I have... Mostly I write for myself. I used to keep a diary. A couple actually. I think I have about 40 diaries down in the cellar. Quite amazing really. I haven't kept a diary for ages now. That is why I started blogging, at least for one part. It is a bit therapeutic to be honest... And for some reason the knowledge that someone might be reading intrigues me. It's like writing to a pen pal. Someone you fell you trust completely though you have never met them.

I've had a couple of pen pals in my days. Not very interesting when I was younger. But I once met a man named Mika, I was 16 I think. I don't know how old he was. Too old I can imagine. We never met again. But we used to write letters to each other.

There's something special about not meeting a person. Once I fell in love over the telephone. It never worked out of course. Once we met the magic was broken. We had really bad sex and then never saw each other again. It felt very sad afterwards. Like I had lost a really old friend. We used to talk all through the night, for hours. I used to sit outside with a blanket around me. Watching the stars. It was one of the most romantic infatuations I have ever had. It was never meant to be real though. It was meant to stay over the telephone.

Day 2: My first love.

I was 14. We used to sit next to each other at English lessons. She used to draw in her books and she had so beautiful hands. I remember her fingers, very thin but with round tips. '
The expression she used to wear. The way she walked. How she laughed. Her black jeans, fringe and stripy t-shirts.

I remember the first time I kissed her. It was by accident. We always kissed on the cheek. I had to catch a train and she had to catch another. Just when I was going to kiss her cheek she turned her head. I kissed her lips and then we both ran. I was smiling all the way home. Butterflies in my chest.

I remember lying on a cornfield next to her the sun setting. It was late. A golden summer night when the sun lingers for ages on the horizon. Her hair was golden and her skin tanned and freckled from the sun.

She broke with me through a letter. I never answered. It hurt to much. I never told her that I loved her. In many ways I still do. I don't know her any more. I haven't seen her for years. But I still love her. I still love the time we had.

I reserved a place behind my left ear for her. I have a special tattoo that I want to do. I've wanted to do it for ages. Maybe next year.

Day 1: About me.

I was born in Stockholm in June as the first child of three. The night before I was born my mother went for a walk in the warm summer night. She felt that she needed to be alone. She told me that she somehow knew it was her last chance. While out walking she picked a big bouquet of lilacs and brought home. I was born the next day. At twenty two to two. My middle name is Syrén, which is lilac in Swedish.

As a child I always loved to dress up. My grandmother had lots of clothes from her youth in Cairo and Abu Dhabi. I especially loved to dress up in her old burka and all her colourful shawls. My favourite film was the secret garden. When ever I visited my grandma in England I would run out and play in the top garden that was all overgrown by brambles and wild roses.

My parents met in India. They were both out travelling on their own. And one day my father tried to steal a papaya from a tree and fell down a case of stairs. He managed to break his leg and had to stay another month. And that is when he met my mum. When I was younger and my parents argued I often imagined I was really from India and one day I would find my real parents. I still somehow feel I am in some way connected to India, though I have never been there.

When I started school I met a girl called Livija. We used to play during breaks and were both fascinated of dinosaurs and archaeology. So what we did during breaks was try to dig for treasures. But you know REAL archaeologists don't use spades, in case they damage what ever they might find. They use brushes. And so did we... We didn't get that far I can tell you. But all the same we kept going.

Livija moved when I was 11, and I changes school. My new school was a music school. And for six years I attended and studied music. I have always loved music. For a while I used to sing in a band too. We recorded some stuff, which you can still listen to at my myspace page if you like...
http://www.myspace.com/gabrielle.baker

After I graduated I continued to an art school. I should really have gone for three years, but I dropped out and there for never graduated which meant I couldn't go to university afterwards. Anyways, long story why I dropped out. At the the time kind of moved around so it was hard to concentrate on my studies. Instead I started working at an old peoples home. Went to France for a while. And that is really what I did for quite some time.

I started re-doing school though. And now I am actually finished which is wonderful. So I just applied for university! We'll see if I get in...

So there you have a brief history. Except of cause I left out all the too personal stuff... hehe. Well you'll have to ask me about the rest.

All for now. x

Gone fishing.

I found this list on my sisters blogg and thought it would be quite interesting to follow through out December. Though You know I will be leaving the country on the 14th and not be back until the 28th. So I will probably not blogg while I am away but instead pick up where I left it when I am back again.

Day 01 – About me
Day 02 – My first love
Day 03 – My parents
Day 04 – About love
Day 05 – Dreams
Day 06 – My day
Day 07 – Friends
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – My believes
Day 10 – Book review
Day 11 – My sisters
Day 12 – In my bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – Today's outfit

Gone fishing...

Day 15 – My future
Day 16 – My first kiss
Day 17 – My favourite memory
Day 18 – My favourite birthday
Day 19 – Regrets
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Things that piss me off.
Day 23 – What makes me feel better
Day 24 – What makes me cry
Day 25 – The first
Day 26 – My fears
Day 27 – My favourite place
Day 28 – Something I miss
Day 29 – My ambitions
Day 30 – A last moment

Emiliana Torrini, If You Go Away

I love this song that is originally by Jacque Bel. I usually hate covers. But this one is really beautiful. I can't stop listening to it...

It's the sound of my shoes...

Started looking through some old photos... Well not that old. But it was fun anyway. Well at least I thought so. So I hope you'll think so too. Kind of making up for not writing for ages. Well you are the ones to decide if I succeeded I guess...Got bugged...Happy girl after seeing Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Oh That feeling...Me and my old flat mate Niki whom I never see now days...What's that sound? I like that sound... I love that sound... It's the sound of my shoes...
The blond one. I love this pic. I would love to be a natural blond but I would hate to colour it again...Yes it was made by professionals, and no, I couldn't be bothered to keep it nice...And last but not least. My lovely sister...

Portfolio

One of my assignments for school is to get my portfolio together. So I thought I'd give you a couple of pics if you are interested...

Schools out for good.

Tomorrow is my last day at school. last day before university. If I get in that is.
I have to start writing here again. I haven't had time for so long. And that I do have time again it feels like I've lost the habit.

All, cross your fingers for me tomorrow. I'm going to get my grades. Cross fingers that they are on time so I can print them and send them in to university.

Niclas has had the flu now for 3 weeks. I miss the real Niclas. I feel like a bad girlfriend. But I really took care of him the first week, then I went to England for a week, and the third week he went back to work which I protested. Now he is back home. I can't stand his cough. And he is no fun. I feel selfish in saying that. But it's like he has been away for 3 weeks, the real Niclas I mean.
I hope he gets well soon. I miss him.

It's weird knowing that I won't be going to school anymore. It feels like I've forgotten something. But I don't know what, that's the trouble. I hope it's just a feeling. I keep going over everyting for tomorrow, so that I haven't forgotten anything. But I can't think that I have. I hate that feeling. It makes me all nervous and distressed. I don't think I'll be able to relax until I have my grades written down on paper.

Fingers and toes crossed. I am so nervous.
Ps. First picture is me when I am about 4 at my Grans house. Second picture is me in my Halloween costume I made when I was 7, also taken at my grans.

Me x 2

Hello dearies...
Now that I really don't have time I cant seem to hold myself away...
But I just finished another essay so I get to blog a little bit...
Today is Thursday (well it is really Friday morning, but I havn't gone to bed yet so it still counts as Thursday). On Tuesday I smoked 4 cigarettes, on Wednesday two and today I haven't smoked any. What about that ey?

Also, I went to get my passport today. So here's a picture of my old picture and my new one. Can you tell which is which? One of them is from now, and the other one is when I was 17. If you fail to guess which is which you'll get some spanking.

/G

The rococo drow warrior with elephant legs...

Hello darlings..
This week is completely mad. It seems like when ever i actually have time to write i am completely wrecked! Like today.

I had a great day though. Today I played along in the dark room at school for 7 hours! I didn't realize I had been there that long until I had to leave and hurry home. It was my second time ever in a dark room, last time was about 5 years ago. But I got some quite good photos in the end. I will see if I can scan them for you later...

Hurried home, ate lunch on the tube (a really boring sandwich I bought, it served as lunch and dinner), had a ten minute bath and hurried off to a photo shoot for the fantasy calendar again. This time I was a Drow and got to play with swards. Still haven't seen pictures from the other two photo shoots for the calendar though. They are still at the graphic designer, but I've heard rumours that one of the pictures is almost finished... Not sure if I can publish it here though until the actual calendar has been published. But I'll ask.

Oh and by the way. As usual i was appointed the role of the "noble" Drow. I don't know what it is but I ALWAYS get to play the nice girl or the noble. HAHA

But come on! I want to play bad-ass! Well at least I got to handle some swards while looking like Marie Antoinette... (shown in picture above.)

Got home around 11 pm dead tired. I tried to watch a film but I'm too tired even for that... I really should sleep, but Niclas will probably be home in half an hour so I'm trying to stay awake anyway. What I really should be doing is finishing me essay. I am almost done. But I decided to do that tomorrow morning instead.

My legs feel like something belonging to an elephant. They are already sleeping. I think I should join them soon...

xxxx/G

Sour times

Cheerio! (By greeting you like that I seem fun alert and interesting, but I am actually tired as hell...)

I haven't been in now for some time. Sorry about that. I had a lovely stay in London and in Rattlesden which is the home of my grandparents. It hasn't been the most relaxing trip though and I havn't really had time to rest since I got home either so i am completely nackerd. At the moment I am sorry to say I won't be writing a lot. This week is just packed with schoolwork that has to be in by Monday. So by the middle of next week I will hopefully be back and about.
Right now I hardly have time to sleep. i just want to sleep...

Hope your week is calmer.

Love /G

Ps. I give you a really old picture of me. Hope you're at least a little satisfied... I'll get better soon. Promise.

London Calling

Checking off things on my pack list. Drinking beer and listening to my new playlist "London" Ready to take off! Leaving the house in 6 hours! This means no blogging this week people, and not much sleep tonight... Hope you have a great week! I know I will!

Cheerio! xxxx

Your Closet

Geee! Some pics from yesterday! Hope you enjoy! :)

Your Closet is a vintage store on the internet driven by lovely Jessica who is an extremely ambitious young woman. http://yourcloset.se/
also offers style and colour analyses and a personal shopper. Like Jessica so nicely put it: Vintage is like people, individual. For more pictures visit http://scenbloggen.com/events/2010/11/14/your-closets-modevisning/

Jessica in green.

Tired today...

Hello my little friends. Not much time to write today. I have things to do and am still sooooo tired. I've slept 9 hours, which is kind of normal, but quite a lot for me! But still I feel exhausted! I have seen a couple of pictures on the net already, but I'll wait until I get the final pictures before I upload any here. So I can pick out the best that is! For the time being you can check out http://littlepeache.webblogg.se/2010/november/your-closet.html where there are some pictures from yesterday... :) xxxx

After the show...

This lady is sooooo darn tired. Woke up at 1.30am and couldnt sleep. At half past 4 I gave up. Had to get up at 5 anyhow. Down the runway you go... Jesus. I can barely stand, but I had a fantastic day. The show went great thanks to the adrenaline. Otherwise I would never had made it. Haha, no of cause I would, but the adrenaline helped I can tell you. Jesus christ I am so tired and its only ten past 8pm. I am going to bed. And I am going to sleep like a little baby, I can tell you that much. I'll post some pictures from today when I get them. (Didn't bring my own camera.) Goodnight darlings. Hope you sleep as well as I will....

xxxxx

Baking

Sorry for not updati9ng in a while. I've been home with a terrible cold (still am)and just slept two days really. Woke up at 4.20pm today. Tomorrow I have to get up at 5am to get to the fashion show. We'll see how that goes... Well I have to be there, but I'll be coughing away... Here you have some pictures from our little baking session the other day anyhow. Hope it cheers you up. I need cheering up too...this was not my fault...Niclas weird buns with smarties on them...

The Postmarks - No One Said This Would Be Easy

Sometimes you don't realize what you have. It is at times like this, when everything is dark and I am down, that I realize what a wonderful boyfriend I have. First a late supper, then baking cinnamon rolls aka kanelbullar in the middle of the night. I'll give you pics later. Did I tell you that I am in love?

And I want to share this song with you. I didn't know it was some kind of soundtrack to James Bond. Is it really? Anyway, it is a great song. xxx

Dreams

Time for essays. Colonialism is on the agenda. Mostly I'd like to finnish one of my short stories. But no time for that tonight. Mostly I would like a Blood & Sand and some company. London next week. I cant wait to get away. Lovely lovely London. Me, myself and my book. It seems like dreamland... Where would you go?

My nr 5 dream places to go are (in no particular order):

• Somewhere close to the sea and with mountains. Maybe Iceland or Ireland.
• The dessert. Where ever it may be.
• Kap Verde, The island with the sunken ship.
• India and Tibet
  
• Walking through the English country side.
• On a train trip through Asia.

Where would you go?

Time for tea I think...

The owls are not what they seem...

Who killed Laura Palmer? I could watch Twin Peaks all day long. Oh I love it. On season 2 now. It is scary... At least I have the Log Lady. Lynch is a genius. For you who haven't seen Twin Peaks: Do it now!