Cherry Ghost - We Sleep On Stones

I love this song. Perfect with the rain hammering.

Shoes!

I saw them and they were mine. The last pair. My size. I didn't really have to try them on. They fitted perfectly. Their price was 1595 SEK but I got them for 500. From Manufacture d'essai. Tonight I'll take my shoes out dancing... (And yes I know, they deserve better then a crappy photo taken with my mobile phone...)

Sneak peek...

I think I am getting a better balance at work now. It feels really great. I am working at two different places now, one that I LOVE and one that I don't love that much at all.. But I am getting on to it, I feel more confident now. It is a bit of a hierarchic atmosphere at the workplace that I don't like that much. But I think I am winning some respect from my boss and colleagues without climbing over other people to get there. That feels good. I've always hated people who do that, that can walk over dead bodies just to get to the top. I think it is disgusting and I detest that kind of people. I really cant stand them. one of my colleagues is like that. And I have been the body she has been walking over. She is on holiday now, so that might be why it is going so well at work and I am starting to like it. I only hope it will stay good, even after she comes back. But honestly I am not so sure about that... I got some photos from Peter yesterday. They are not finnished all of them. But you get a sneak peek because you continue putting up with my whining about work... :) I'm into a modeling mode right now. Though I haven't got anything booked in a while. But we'll have to do something about that, won't we?

Fantasy Calender

Just got back from a photo shoot for a fantasy calender with Joakim Nerén. This is the second shoot I´m doing for this calender. The first time the theme was vampires, this time gorgons, you know like Medusa from Greek mythology. She had snakes instead of hair.. I am now waiting for the pictures to arrive.. But they are far from finished. The next step is for the grafic designer Cindy Grundsten (http://www.cindyartdesign.se/)to work with them. She is absolutely amazing! The picture is not mine but belongs to Cindy. It is beautiful. Can't wait to see the pictures for the calender. The calender will be published for next year. But I´ll remind you before then. I promise. /G

Working fot the man

Everything is quite heavy now. So I try not to think. Only think about the summer, the sun. But there are lots of things that have to be done. Work, and not to mention schoolwork. Working today. It feels so pointless. I have been working at an old peoples home for three years, gotten a good pay raise every year, but I got tired of the job. I liked it, but I needed to see something else, do something else. It wasn't the job I wanted to have for the rest of my life. I wanted to see more. I wasn't satisfied. And so now I have a new job. Or actually, I got a new job in spring. At a bar/restaurant/nightclub. I loved it, the people there were wonderful, my collegues were great and helpful and it felt like I was doing a good job. My boss liked me, I got to serve at her wedding. I loved it because the people I worked with really gave me feedback on what I was doing. But then the summer came, and they havn't really got any work for me because they have to prioritize the people who have worked there longer than me. So I havn't been working for them this summer. I had to get a new job, at a place that I hate. My colegues are rude and don't cooperate. The job is new to me so naturally I don't know everything, but I want to learn. They are not very helpful though. I feel like I'm walking on tip toe all the time. I am really trying my best, but when you never get to hear anything positive, never get any feedback on what you are doing, have to listen to sexistic comments from your collegues all day..... well then the job kind of looses it's charm... Also, I am down to really bad pay again. I am new in this field of work, so I know I cant expect good wages yet. But I have worked for 3 years to get where I got and now I am down to zero again, working with something I really hate and still not getting enough hours per week to actually live a decent life. I manage, but I hate living off my boyfriend. I HATE it! I want to be able to stand up on my own. I promised myself to keep working at this place at least through the summer. Because it is a place with really high reputation, and it does look good on the CV to have worked there. But I am not sure I will cope. I come home and just want to cry. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Sometimes, when everything gets too hard, I just want to go back in time, become a child, go to school, live with my parents. Just to have that secure surrounding, classmates to meet everyday, the old routine. When everything is heavy I just want to go back. Not that it was ever easy at that time eather. There were loads of other problems then that were bigger then I could handle. But at lest they were apart from myself. The affected me of course. But they were not mine in that sense, I couldn't do anything about them except hide and run. School was a good place to hide. Like a different world in comparison to the grownups world. It was our world, we wrote the rules. Well I didn't, but the cool kids did. But it was still ours, in a way no adult could really understand. Whatever rules they made, we always had our own. It wasn't always easy, but it was smaller, manageable. Sometimes I just feel this world is too big for me. What ever I do, no one will ever notice, things will never change. I know it sounds negative, but thats how I feel right now. It just feels pointless. I am doing a job I don't even like, I only get 4hour workdays, and when I finish it feels like I've worked 10 hours, I am just exhausted. So I work like 8 hours /week, which is absolutely NOTHING. I am used to working 10 hours per day normally. AND on top of that my wages are shit. I am working today. I don't want to go, I don't want to go. My stomach hurts just thinking about it. I feel like a ten year old that is afraid of being bullied at school. Fuck. Ok, if it doesn't get better I am going to quit. I give it two more weeks. (I have already booked myself up for two weeks) Sorry about all the negativism. I'll give you a happy picture to make up for it. Pick nick yesterday with a couple of friends. It is an I phone-Polaroid. Not mine though, I don't have one. I would really love to have a Polaroid camera. A real one. maybe sometime I will...

Le Tigre - On Guard

Cause I'm in the mood.

Bitch

I get so fucking angry. There is this woman (well it´s the internet so it could be a man) that has been writing to me lately wondering about my bush. Not in any way sexually speaking but she has questioned me WHY I have a bush when it's not very common in the modeling world. And I have written back very politely. No problem. But today I got a new e-mail from her where she stated that she had been to a lecture where they had said that having a bush was out of fashion and was very 70´s. She just wrote to me to inform me that it might be better for me to shave so that people didn't find my portfolio out of date and unfashionable. Still keeping it very polite though. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) her user had been deleted so I wasn't able to answer her and tell her to fuck off. Any ways, here is my answer. Though in Swedish.
"Hej igen Marie.
Angående att raka sig eller ej så bryr jag mig inte ett uns om vad som är "på modet" Jag har själv systrar som är 14-16 och jag vet att det är en utbredd trens även bland yngre flickor och jag tycker det är en sjuk trend att kvinnor ska se ut som småbarn och att det anses "annorlunda" eller ofräscht om en kvinna inte rakar sig. Jag tycker det är helt idiotiska kvinnoideal att det som faktiskt är naturligt ses som fel. Jag skulle aldrig någonsin raka mig, skit samma vem det var som ville det. Dels tycker jag att det är förbaskat sorgligt att kvinnor tvingas göra detta, för det skulle aldrig hända en man. Dels är det många som av bekvämlighetsskäl inte rakar sig då det är större risk för infektioner. Jag har inga planer på att göra glamourbilder i alla fall så då tycker jag det är skit samma om jag är rakad eller ej. Det ser jag som min ensak. Om en fotograf dissar mina bilder pga detta klan han/hon dra åt helvete i vilket fall som helst. En sådan fotograf vill jag ändå inte jobba med.

Mvh/Gabrielle"
I am so angry I could just hit someone right now. Or throw something so it breaks. Or maybe just listen to Le Tigre.

John Grant - Queen Of Denmark

The other day I had a photo shoot with a photographer called Peter (have to look up his last name and web-page). I've got the pictures but he has not done any retouch on them yet so you'll only get one for the time being...

I Must say. I absolutely love this song. I keep listening to it again and again. There is so much frustration and anger in it and it's just beautiful. I'm so sorry I missed him when he was in Stockholm. I could have gone. But I had no one to go with. I should have gone myself because I really regret it...