I want to be this happy!

Hello my little friends. Just logged on to see if anyone had missed me...

I am coughing my head off in Sharm El Sheik. I have been sleeping most of the time. Not sure weither it is my meds that make me tired or the sun. So 6 days have past. is that true?! Wow, I must have really sleept a lot... So I think what I have is a mixture between some kind of really mean cold and a exsmokers cough (It's suposed to come arround two weeks after quitting). So I have been feeling pretty dull actually. Hope to get well soon so I can enjoy some of the sun. Hop all is well. xxx/G

Merry X-mas

Sorry for no blogging. I have been sleeping away my fever. Soaking my bed with sweat.
Lovely huh?

Tomorrow I'll be leaving for Sharm El Shejk, hopefully I won't be lying around the room with a fever for two weeks or be eaten by sharks. No blogging for a while. I feel like a sweaty pig. That's the time when you look at pictures of yourself and think "If I only could look that good, living the high life.." I Really need to pack my bag... But I haven't got out of bed for two days.

Wish me good luck. And a merry Christmas to ya'll!

It sucks being broke. It's a Saturday. See you on New Years!

Bye!

Yeyeyeyeyey! I got in! Sociology in spring then... :)

Day 9: My beliefs

My parents have always been very spiritual. I was brought up in a semi Hindu, Buddhist, Christian way... My parents are hippies ok. So we had it all. The tarot cards the I Ching and little statues of Shiva, Ganesh and Buddha. But both my mum and dad were raised in very Christian homes, and that also affected me. My mum went to a Catholic school until she was 8. Not that her family were Catholics, but they lived in Cairo and that was the only English speaking school they had. My dad on the other hand comes from a family of priests. We still always say grace before eating at my grandmas house. And I learned early to always say be prayers before going to sleep. I even helped give communion in the baptist church where my grandparents used to go at Sabbath. When I was younger I wanted to be a nun. It makes me crack up today. I am extremely non religious. I've been through all that, and had my little occult time too. I don't know if I would call myself an atheist though... Maybe more an agnostic I guess. I think I believe in something. But I think religion is created by man rather than the other way around. I think believing is a need most humans crave for. Weather they believe in world economics, God, cats or something else. I don't know if I actually believe there is something to believe in or if I believe that beliefs are purely man creation. I think If I would have to chose one religion to abide to, it would be Buddhism. I don't agree with everything, but it is the religion I feel is closest to my beliefs to be honest.

Day 8: A moment

A moment. I know exactly what to do. I have all the determination and strength to achieve my goal. Then something happens and I fall. The spark is gone. It's like trying to catch smoke. And my day is gone.

I try my hardest. I will try even harder. All my plans. Next year I start on a clean page.

Its You

PJ Harvey. She has followed me through my youth. Mostly with "To bring you my love". Today I give you this song from the album. "Uh-hu-her", because it explains the latest two days.

Kitty cat come on!

Oh and yeah todays mission is this:

My cat is stuck in the bathroom. I have filled his kitty litter box with popcorn. I want him to go to the toilet so I can take an urine test on him. Problem is he is just sitting behind the door and miaoing. I am listening to Belle and Sebastian's new record "Write about love" on high volume so I can't hear my cat complaining. I just want to take a hot bath. I had so much stuff to do today. But kitty comes first. Come on now kit cat....

Day 7: Friends

I have a lot of wonderful friends. But I am not very good at cherishing them...
I am really bad at calling people, and then I expect them to call me. Silly really.

I try to me open with people, but still I think I have a hard time letting people in close.

I have a couple of people I would really like to meet more often.

One person in particular is very important to me right now. He is an old friend of mine that I have gotten in contact with again. Usually when so much time has past it can be hard to pick up where you left it. We have both changed enormously since we lost contact. But in some strange way we have changed the same way. and grown closer. Or at least that is what I feel. He is someone that I really want to hang out with more often because being with him gives me so much in return. We have so much to talk about. It never ends. Lots of love to you Isak.

I have another old friend. We used to play when we were kids. I was really in love with him at the time. Well you know, like kids are in love. We met on a plane from London a couple of years ago and started writing to each other. We lost contact for a while but have just recently started writing again. I love having pen pals. I haven't had many in my life. But I have really missed it. And he is wonderful to write with. I really enjoy it. So a shout out to Adam as well.

Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying

This is how I feel. Like banging my head into a wall.

Goodnight

Day 6: My day

Today has been one of those slow days. I've been in town to get a jab against Hepatitis A. It didn't hurt that bad actually. Since then I have been home really. My dad dropped by and I helped him get Spotify. That's about it really.

Mostly I am looking forward to leaving this country. Hope I don't get eaten by sharks though...

I'll give you some pictures from yesterday (which was a much more spectacular day actually...)
I told you I had my graduation didn't I? Well I had a little party for my family last night. So here are some pics. I even got my grandmas old (well not that old, she graduated when she was 70) graduation hat!

Day 5: Dreams

Ok, if anyone is wondering what all this is about:
http://twentytwototwo.blogspot.com/2010/11/gone-fishing.html

This week I read a couple of short stories about nightmares. I thought I would right one myself but I haven't really got that far yet. I rarely dream nightmares. But when I do it is mostly when Niclas and I have had a fight and I dream he leaves me. I also do have a fever dream that repeats itself over and over when ever I have a fever. I never remember it's contents though except that it is about time.

Last night I had the weirdest dream. (I always remember a lot of details)

I was in a war against some orchs, and Bellatrix Lestrange (from Harry Potter) was in it and skipping around singing like mad like she does.
(...)
I was in the village where my grandparents used to live, out in the English countryside, only it was called "Camelot". I was doing cross country with my friends Olle and Boel so we left the village of Camelot and arrived in the next village called "Camelot Castle" where we checked in at the local in called "The Prancing Pony". There we met Bellatrix again. I turned into a guy (a knight in shining armour actually) and managed to flirt with Mrs Bellatrix and talk her in to introducing me to her husband who was a bad guy locked in a tower.

Also I met my friends Hanna & Anders who were really sad because their son Hugo had in some way been kidnapped by Borka (you know the bandit from Ronja Rövardotter by Astrid Lindgren)

Cant remember much more. But you get the picture. I have pretty interesting dreams...

Day 4: About love

My bad. I haven't been writing for two days. I tried, but I couldn't figure what to write.

So love. This is really tricky. There are so many different ways of loving. In some ways I wish I could do everything over. When you start loving, it is the centre of the world. The most wonderful and most destroying power of all. It still is in some ways, and will always be. But it is...different.
Maybe we take one another too much for granted. But the years pass and one grows accustomed to each other. It is still love, but one smile doesn't send butterflies through your chest. (It still happens, but not all the time) It is a deeper kind of love. You trust completely, and there for it can be much more devastating. You build your whole world around someone else. They are part of every breath, even if you do not always think of them.

I do not believe in a lifetime long lasting love. I can not promise a thing. But I can promise what I feel today. And that I want us to be together always.

Today...

My day has been great. For no particular reason. I am really tired now though. On my way out to grab a pint with a couple of friends...

Day 3: My parents

This is a hard one...

My parents fill two functions. Firstly they are my friends and secondly my parents.
Sometimes I wish it was the other way around though...

I long for the day us sisters are all grown up and have moved out (I have two younger sisters that still live at home) so that my parents can have more time for themselves. I know they both like to travel. I think it is time for them to focus on themselves, they forget to do that.

My mum is originally a musician and an artist. She used to write her own songs and play at piano bars to earn a living. She used to sew these amazing tapestries.

My father has always loved music too. He used to play in a punk band in London in his youth. Just when they were getting their breakthrough they split up. The hazardous youth... My dad has also always been brilliant at painting. But like be he can break into real bad tempers and do stupid things. So one day he threw away his paints and paintbrushes, and has never painted since. I gave him paints and brushes for his birthday. I just wish he would use them. For my birthday I would love a painting. He is really amazing. I'm going to get him to start painting again if it is the last thing I'll ever do.

Tori Amos, Bjork, Pj Harvey, Massive Attack Mix (Wax Audio)

Oh My god! This is like the ultimate mix ever. Wow Wow wow! This jut gives me goose bumps. I want this mix. I love this mix!

3 years

Niclas and I have been clearing up the apartment now for two days. We thought as we are leaving soon and won't be back home again until the 28th we should clear up for the new year. Yesterday we worked from 12 am to 12 pm with hardly any breaks except for eating. I was really hitler when I got going. Shouting out orders. Haha... well at least we got a lot done. Today I haven't been quite as up for it...

Now I just want to get this done. But people keep calling Niclas on the phone ALL THE TIME. I'm getting tired of this now. Just had an early dinner/late lunch and am dying on the sohats one thing about me that is really irritating. Feed me, and I will fall fast asleep. If I don't get loads and loads of coffee that is.

Oh, and yesterday was the official 3 years day...
Three years ago I woke up in Niclas apartment after a late night party. So tonight we are going out for a drink to celebrate. If we eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrr get finished with clearing up the apartment that is. And if I don't fall asleep first...

(The first two pictures ever of me and Niclas. I think we had been going out for about a month.)

Love part two.

I have lost a lot of readers during my absence. Can't win them all I guess. I have about 7 returning visitors. You 7 make me happy. I don't know all of you in real life. But it makes me very happy to know that you are in some way interested in my life and like what I write.

I don't really care that much about statistics, though I can't help taking a peak once in a while to see how many followers I have... Mostly I write for myself. I used to keep a diary. A couple actually. I think I have about 40 diaries down in the cellar. Quite amazing really. I haven't kept a diary for ages now. That is why I started blogging, at least for one part. It is a bit therapeutic to be honest... And for some reason the knowledge that someone might be reading intrigues me. It's like writing to a pen pal. Someone you fell you trust completely though you have never met them.

I've had a couple of pen pals in my days. Not very interesting when I was younger. But I once met a man named Mika, I was 16 I think. I don't know how old he was. Too old I can imagine. We never met again. But we used to write letters to each other.

There's something special about not meeting a person. Once I fell in love over the telephone. It never worked out of course. Once we met the magic was broken. We had really bad sex and then never saw each other again. It felt very sad afterwards. Like I had lost a really old friend. We used to talk all through the night, for hours. I used to sit outside with a blanket around me. Watching the stars. It was one of the most romantic infatuations I have ever had. It was never meant to be real though. It was meant to stay over the telephone.

Day 2: My first love.

I was 14. We used to sit next to each other at English lessons. She used to draw in her books and she had so beautiful hands. I remember her fingers, very thin but with round tips. '
The expression she used to wear. The way she walked. How she laughed. Her black jeans, fringe and stripy t-shirts.

I remember the first time I kissed her. It was by accident. We always kissed on the cheek. I had to catch a train and she had to catch another. Just when I was going to kiss her cheek she turned her head. I kissed her lips and then we both ran. I was smiling all the way home. Butterflies in my chest.

I remember lying on a cornfield next to her the sun setting. It was late. A golden summer night when the sun lingers for ages on the horizon. Her hair was golden and her skin tanned and freckled from the sun.

She broke with me through a letter. I never answered. It hurt to much. I never told her that I loved her. In many ways I still do. I don't know her any more. I haven't seen her for years. But I still love her. I still love the time we had.

I reserved a place behind my left ear for her. I have a special tattoo that I want to do. I've wanted to do it for ages. Maybe next year.

Day 1: About me.

I was born in Stockholm in June as the first child of three. The night before I was born my mother went for a walk in the warm summer night. She felt that she needed to be alone. She told me that she somehow knew it was her last chance. While out walking she picked a big bouquet of lilacs and brought home. I was born the next day. At twenty two to two. My middle name is Syrén, which is lilac in Swedish.

As a child I always loved to dress up. My grandmother had lots of clothes from her youth in Cairo and Abu Dhabi. I especially loved to dress up in her old burka and all her colourful shawls. My favourite film was the secret garden. When ever I visited my grandma in England I would run out and play in the top garden that was all overgrown by brambles and wild roses.

My parents met in India. They were both out travelling on their own. And one day my father tried to steal a papaya from a tree and fell down a case of stairs. He managed to break his leg and had to stay another month. And that is when he met my mum. When I was younger and my parents argued I often imagined I was really from India and one day I would find my real parents. I still somehow feel I am in some way connected to India, though I have never been there.

When I started school I met a girl called Livija. We used to play during breaks and were both fascinated of dinosaurs and archaeology. So what we did during breaks was try to dig for treasures. But you know REAL archaeologists don't use spades, in case they damage what ever they might find. They use brushes. And so did we... We didn't get that far I can tell you. But all the same we kept going.

Livija moved when I was 11, and I changes school. My new school was a music school. And for six years I attended and studied music. I have always loved music. For a while I used to sing in a band too. We recorded some stuff, which you can still listen to at my myspace page if you like...
http://www.myspace.com/gabrielle.baker

After I graduated I continued to an art school. I should really have gone for three years, but I dropped out and there for never graduated which meant I couldn't go to university afterwards. Anyways, long story why I dropped out. At the the time kind of moved around so it was hard to concentrate on my studies. Instead I started working at an old peoples home. Went to France for a while. And that is really what I did for quite some time.

I started re-doing school though. And now I am actually finished which is wonderful. So I just applied for university! We'll see if I get in...

So there you have a brief history. Except of cause I left out all the too personal stuff... hehe. Well you'll have to ask me about the rest.

All for now. x